Updated: May 12
When I had first become sober and started to develop a new and healthy way of living I couldn’t understand why my family didn’t welcome me with open arms. Why weren’t they proud of me? Couldn’t they see how much I’ve changed and how far I’ve come? It took me years to realize that I was making every encounter with them all about me. Constantly shoving my sobriety down their throats. But what about them? What about the years of chaos that I put them through?
The most important thing that has happened to me in my recovery has been being able to rekindle relationships with the people that mean the most to me. I’ve recently been able to develop a new beginning with my mother. For years I had believed that there was no hope for us and accepted the fact that we could never have that mother daughter relationship that I would see in others and so desperately wanted for myself. I sent that signal out into the universe repeatedly and created my very own distorted reality.
I was blessed with the gift of sobriety and realized that there was a lot of work to be done. I did some major inner child healing which helped me to address things from my past that I was still holding on to and was able to learn how to heal and let them go. When I did this all of those bottled up resentments were finally released which created space for the many positive childhood memories that I had suppressed to resurface. The fog began to clear.
I had to start by removing myself from the equation and take a look at things from my mom's perspective. She was so young when she got married and became a mother. I watched her go through college while working full time and she still always made sure that we had dinner on the table every night. I wasn’t as supportive as I should’ve been. I was selfish and felt ignored when she was studying. I began to act out and put my mom through a lot of turmoil through the years. I now understand why we drifted apart.
My mother is the most beautiful, loving, intelligent, hardworking woman that I know. I thank her for everything that she has done for me through the years and for helping me to become the strong, independent and loving woman that I am today.
Happy Mother’s Day Mom. I love you with all of my heart.